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« The Big Melt AKA Kaputski | Main | Self Portrait in Stars AKA When Dreams Come True »
I Hear Voices in my Head AKA Speak Up!
by Jill Peckelun on 4/19/2010 9:44:30 AM
Spring Bluebells
I was in a good mood driving to an art reception the other week and as I set out I thought- "Tunes!" and flipped on the car radio only to hear the opening whiny chorus of the Rolling Stones' "You can't always get what you wa-ant" and I said a bad word.
You see, I can pretty much know how I'm going to do at a show by the music that I inadvertently hear. Every single freaking time I hear that cursed Rolling Stones' song I get nothing- no sales, no awards, nothing. Just the work of delivery, pickup, attendance, and whatever expenses I incur to be in the show, etc. Every. Single. Time. I hate that song. This has been going on for years. And there's no escaping it. Once I deliberately avoided all radios so I couldn't accidently hear it, but nope- got the song stuck in my head and there it was anyway. No sales. No awards. Nothing.
On the other hand every time I hear a song with the word "faith" in it- I'm golden. George Michael's "You've Got to Have Faith" is a good one. Also John Hiatt's "Have a Little Faith in Me". Sales. Awards. Collectors. Yowza.
I try and use my intuitive connection when I apply to exhibitions. Should I apply or not? Is this the best piece for the show? I speak to my paintings and ask them what they'd like to do. Sometimes they say take me take me take me and I see the stars align. Sometimes they stick out their tongue at me.
My DNA says I'm a mutt of several countries' ancestors. But my soul family is primarily Irish and French. They get pretty wound up when they're working around me and I'll see/hear dozens of French and Irish references. Lots of stars too. This doesn't predict outcome of any kind, but its more like a nice hug and a reassurance that I'm balanced and aligned rather than fighting upstream.
My birth family is quite tolerant of my point of view, at least to my face. I'm pretty sure they think I'm an idiot, but I'm ok with that. Relieves any stress of having to live up to expectations. Besides, I completely understand how odd this sounds to anyone who isn't personally experiencing it. It can sound odd to me too, but feels completely natural in the moment. It's such a personally wacky thing that I can't believe I'm writing about it, but what's a blog for if I don't talk the walk?
So I'm writing this because last month I lost my mojo. Went out to paint four times and they all stank. This never happens to me. I get the occasional whoopsie that I have to wipe off to save the painting panel, but never four in a row. Plus, everyone was silent. Didn't hear a thing, see any stars. Life was so normal, it was surreal. I was worried, I admit. Every artist's nightmare- had it finally happened? Had I forgotten everything I'd ever learned? Did I have no more paintings left in me? There was no joy in Mudville.
I went out by myself the beginning of the next week with steely determination. I took my time. Picked my spot. Saw a natural composition and made it better. Applied everything I'd learned and loved to do over the winter with snow to a meadow of bluebells. And, I did it four days in a row. What a relief. I heard "Celebrate" on the radio. Saw stars everywhere I looked. Heard Irish accents and fell over French Fleur de Lis. Life was back to normal.
Great happiness.
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| All images are copyright Jill Peckelun ....... Telephone: 484-350-3310...... Friend me on Facebook |
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"love love" back at ya.
MSP